This is a journey into the forces that shape and control our life. The ideas others have embedded in our minds profoundly impact ourselves and our future, for better or worse. Understanding how this works is the beginning of gaining control over our own mind.
Throughout his life as a lawyer, Abraham Lincoln went through periods when he felt “like a failure.” At the age of 40, he sat down and wrote a note, comparing his own failure in life to the greater success of his competitor, Stephen Douglass, who was renown throughout the country. We see this comparison repeatedly in school when teens compare their own success, in sports, dating, and looks, to that of others. It creates a sense of failure.
Lincoln wrote, “Stephen Douglas’s life is one of splendid success, whereas I am a failure, a flat failure.” Today, he is remembered as our greatest President.
Rick Springfield, now a millionaire rock star, and writer, has written an autobiography, Late, Late at Night, opening with his suicide attempt at the age of seventeen. Why would this man, now a millionaire who has achieved so much success in life, attempt suicide at seventeen?
Springfield says he saw himself as a failure at “the only life arena” he had ever known—school. He saw himself as unpopular and unliked, without friends, and a failure with girls (all the things on which teens judge their own value). He had no one he felt he could talk to about his feelings.
Some kids do very well in our schools, some do very poorly; most just survive with little direction or awareness of what goes on all around us. All of us are immersed in a world of value judgments by others. School teaches us to compare ourselves to others, in grades, sports, popularity. Understanding that you are not alone is basic to protecting ourselves from the harmful value judgments others put in our minds.
Princess Diana, Megan Markle, First Lady Michele Obama, and even Oprah have spoken publicly about the self-doubt and depression they have gone through, never knowing how common these problems are. We tend to believe that we are the only ones suffering from self-doubt and anxiety. Our educational system has failed to teach us what we need to know to avoid this.
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